A special guest posting by arty leg

Hello all, my name Elle  leg pronounced  L  leg or as Mick likes to write “arty” (because he is to thick to spell artificial  leg /prosthetic /prosthesis )and I think it only right that I get to write up what he is really like and what the last year has been like. ……………after all I have had to carry the fat porker for most of the year. The things I could write about him would make even the strongest person break down and cry, but this post is about me and what’s being going on for the last year.

Where to start?

Right from the start I knew that I would get on ok with Mick after all he asked for me and traded in his fancy micro knee for me. Not that the micro knee would take him to places where I take him, the micro knee would bleep and die rather than get stuck in some boggy terrain, not like me I love dragging Mick through the most wettest boggiest bogs you could ever hope to meet and if he starts misbehaving I will simply dump his arse onto the ground and remind him that I am the boss not the other way around.

I suppose that most of you will think that he is in charge , well that is something that I allow him to think and I often have a chuckle when he is busy tell other amputees to take charge of the knee and throw it around and not to be frightened of it. Well let me tell you , without me he would be sitting on his lard arse at home watching TV all the time , no its me who gets his sorry butt out . After all that’s what they made me for.

I will admit that we have had our share of disagreements, but if he starts to get to cocky or demanding I simply dump his sorry arse on the ground ………… he soon learns what I will and won’t put up with.

Under my guidance I have got Mick to some wonderful places this year, taking him higher and further than what he had ever dreamed about.

I like Mick even though he has some very strange ideas, like sometimes when he is not sitting in me correctly I tend to piston a bit making funny farting noises, for some strange reason he tends to think this is funny and takes great pleasure in making it worse than what it is, however what I don’t find even mildly amusing is when he farts and blames me, I mean that’s just not fair and the skink! How would you like to be a few inches away from his arse when he lets one fly?

Mind I have my little tricks that annoy Mick, sometimes when I am feeling bored I will ever so slowly grab a handful (or should that be leg full) of his pubic hairs and pull ever so slowly this is fun and always stops him in his tracks, and if there are a lot of people around he cant even put his hand down the front of his trousers to sort me out. It always makes me giggle and the more he squirms the more I pull, he of course will swear at me and threaten to throw me away but I know he wont, but as a rule I try not to upset him to much as I know that, despite his cheerful outgoing expression there is a very angry boy just waiting to burst out and I have to say being an above knee amputee is hard enough without me causing him too much grief. No my job is to get him out and about in a safe controlled manner and its something I take great pride in.

I mean who would have thought that I could get this overweight old git up to the top of some of the most scenic mountains that this country has to offer and more importantly get him back down safely again. Anyway here are some of my more memorable moments for the last year (mostly of me ) because I am a very good looking leg .

Taken on some old hill fort in the cheviots someplace.

What a plonker , you see what I have to put up with ? Taken at Embleton Bay.

Church point , I am so embarrased by his behaviour at times.

Now this is more like it , taken on top of Helvellyn that was a good day with my old mate Dave (this is what I should be used for.)

The embarrasment of it all . taken at Northumberlandia.

This is better , a day on the coastline. I look good at times eh?

This is the sort of thing that I have to put up with. I have to ask should he be allowed out alone?

I liked this day , taken from behind the waterfall at Garagill.

Looking back up towards bloody bush edge , what a day of bog stomping we had . great fun.

Sometimes I even have to watch over his coffee for him . HEY Mick I"m a leg not a tea"s maid.

This was a better day taken on top of Ingleborough down at the Yorky dales .

Here we are on Harter fell , that was a great day  Carey burn took this photo. 

 Back in the Cheviots Chushat law.

I think that i can safely say that we where both very happy to be at Angle Tarn .

A rather blurry shot  at Low Force .(plonker cant even take a decent photo at times)

Giving his real foot a rest on wether Hill.

Back on the northumberland coast and yes he is sitting on his arse again .

Another good day out with Carey burn , lunch above Blea Water .

Because it was such a good day a few more that he took as the day went on I was very proud of him on this walk.

Another good day taken on the way towards Boredale Hause , mick did well today and didnt show me up to much so I allowed him to return to this area a few more times.

Back in my Cheviots , mick on his butt again with Silverton hill behind .

This is more like it , me ,Yvonne (carey Burn ) and Dave having a group shot without mick , we had a really good day mooching around the langdales and mick didnt do to bad either.

Sometimes he just lays down and there is nothing I can do about it......................what a wuss!

Carey burn took this after I took him swimming in a peat bog .

Heading up to Place Fell.

Sometimes I just have to let him use his hands.

Looking down towards Ullswater.

Coming down a rather tricky path at Boredale.

At Barrowburn on a very icy car park , I had to work hard today to keep him on his feet.

Same day a bit further along .

The snow got a bit deep in places .

But we loved it , well I did , I think Mick did as well.

Even coming down a icy hill was fun .(and I didnt let him fall)

On top of Kidsty Pike , Mike feeding his face again (no wonder you are such a porker)

What a dork , I must have been bad in a diffrent life to have to cary him around looking like that.

Just look at him he isnt even using me right , if he carries on walking like this I will dump his sorry arse onto the ground .....................Come on Mick get a grip on things.

Thats right take another photo whilst you get your breath back , High raise in the back ground.

Here we are in the shelter on Nan Bield Pass , that was another good day where mick didnt let me down to badly.

Where am I? this is about me NOT YOU !! Taken on our way up Hart Crag.

 Thats better , on our way down .

Same day but now heading down High hartsop Dodd, I will admitt to being a bit conserned about this but mick didnt let me dowm to badly, sometimes he isnt a complete windowlicker.

With Dave watching waiting/expecting  me to throw mick over the ledge this was a good day in the Langdales . 

Dave giving Mick the impression that he knows where we are .............all I can say is its a good job we had Carey Burn with us OTHER WISE I WOULD HAVE HAD TO LEAD THEM BACK DOWN . I often wounder who decides to let these people out into the hills.

 It"s ok Mick get your breath back , if you didnt eats all the pork pies you wouldnt need to stop so much.

Just look at the way he lifts me around .................what a wuss I really should have dumped you on your arse for that .

Sometimes I could just die of embarrasment if it wasnt for the fact we where half way down Dungen Gill  I would have packed up and left him to it .

Yes thats right , do what I tell you or one of us is going to get hurt and its wont be me.

Thats right easy when you do as I tell you isnt it?

So after puting a year in like this I had better be mentioned in the new years honour"s list or there will be big trouble .

After a quick count up I have carried his lardy arse aproximately 450.48 miles over some very rough ground and have loved evey step of it.

all done here ................ ALL 2012 WALKS

One last thing if he thinks that I will be doing these writes ups on a regular basis he can dream on.